Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
