Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Randomize