you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
