I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
