Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
