im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
