You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I need water and some morals
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
