Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
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