And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
