he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
