Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Randomize
