i think my mom watched the whole time
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
