you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize