i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize