I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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