either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
