You work out of a Hotel?
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
