Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
