That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Randomize
