you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
