Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
