Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
