I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
