I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
