and next time when you feel me up, do it right
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
