I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
