Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize