I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
