But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Randomize
