Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
