yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
