Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
