he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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