It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
