Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize