Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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