he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
