I'm so fucking centered right now
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
