at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
