Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
