Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
