Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
