i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
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