i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
