Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
