He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
