Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
