She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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