It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
