So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
