put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize