I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize