the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
