remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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