U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Randomize
