Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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