I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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