masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Randomize
