ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
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