Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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