I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
