"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
