I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
and i looked up. we had an audience...
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
