I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Randomize
