Kiss
Puke
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Randomize
