He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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