Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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