I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
