I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
