dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
