Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Randomize
