the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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