All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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