i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
