I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
