I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
