so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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