She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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