On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
