ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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