I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
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