Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
