Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
