i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
