I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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