I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
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