He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize