my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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