Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
my phone needs a breathalizer
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize