his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
