I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Randomize
