You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
