Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
