Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
